Am I the only one who feels like ripping their hair out?

My husband is in the military. His day often starts at 5 (get ready and show up) and we stay up until about 10. My 4 year old goes to bed every night at 8. After an hour of taking her back to bed EVERY night (the supper nanny way but without screaming and crying) she falls asleep exactly at 9. I have tried to keep her up to 9 and then it works out to 10. It's a nightly habit. My 2 year old will ONLY fall asleep with my husband in bed. He will wake up about an hour after (or whenever he's put in bed) and will come to sleep with us. When my husband wakes up to go to work my son wakes up too. This in turn wakes up everyone else in the home, including my 8 month old son. I try to put my son down for a nap when his brother goes at 1 (he's usually pretty tired) but he'll lay there awake for hours. After my 8 month old naps and wakes up, my 2 year old comes downstairs and will fall asleep at 3:30 in the afternoon and sleep until 6. I have tried to keep him awake. I have tried sugar. I have tried going outside. I've tried driving in a car at 1 to get them to sleep (does work but he stays up even later!). I have tried every method I can think of and read about consistently and NOTHING works. It's the same schedule. I'm honestly at my wits end and my husband refuses to help because it works for him so he can get enough sleep for work. I am honestly tired of sleeping with a 2 year old in my bed, going to bed at 10 and getting up at 5 every morning because it's what works for him. I am a stay at home Mom and I homeschool. After laundry, cleaning, running errands, teaching and feeding I'm a pretty tired Mommy. It also doesn't help that my husband just comes home sits on his but at 3 (working in warehousing doing inventory all day) and plays video games until 8 (besides supper or getting his gear ready for work) when he reminds me it's our daughter's bed time. I'm thinking I should just go to bed at 7 every night and let him deal with it all. I'm honestly at my wits end. I understand he needs time to relax and stuff, but I do too. I'm here with my children 24/7 and that includes bathroom needs. I do get out to playgroups and stuff, but I NEED my husband to become a little more part of our family and how it works. I'm tired of picking up after him too. It's like having a fourth child. He also states he'd like to have another one. Yeah right.