How do I help my boyfriend to enjoy ?

Ok while this may not help it is from a former dominant transual woman. I found that many people expand upon such a thing is someone else is at the helm so to speak, By my leading them without them knowing where I was going it added to their heightened thoughts. Perhaps if you showed him some dominance instead it might just work out and he will learn how to lead by your example. In this way he can learn what will work and then turn the table around. It does sound, however, that you may both be submissive. This could be a problem in the long run if it stays that way. Try being a switch as they say. Too bad I didn;t know you a couple of years ago hehe.